Everloving

My grandfather passed away a number of years ago.  He was in the hospital in his last days – and I spent a lot of time in the waiting room, fairly certain that it was more or less a waiting game.  I honestly do not remember much about the hours spent in the waiting room – but I do remember one thing quite clearly:  I would put my headphones on when I didn’t want to be bothered, and I listened to Moby’s Everloving almost exclusively.

I always think of him when I hear Everloving.  Although it’s a very mellow, slow song – and the memories I associate with it are certainly not the happiest – the song does not bring about the sort of sadness you might expect.

It just makes me think of him.

Hello, World!

I was discussing social media and the ‘blogging days’ with a friend earlier this evening.  The discussion reminded me that I should check and make sure my blog still exists and the domain is still valid.

Yep – it’s still here.

The conversation also made me long – somewhat – for the good ole’ days of blogging.  In one of my “recent” blog posts I noted that I did not yet ‘get’ Facebook.  Well, now I get it, and I am all over that shit.  I love the instant access it provides – the constant stream of minutia from those I care about, those I don’t see often, and those I am digitally stalking.

I’m also starting to hate it.

You see – if I go for a day or so without checking Facebook, I feel a bit antsy.  When I do check after a multi-hour hiatus, I realize how uninteresting it really is.  While Facebook is not limited to several dozen characters as “that other place” is – it does lend itself primarily to short, timely bursts of information.  Blogging, on the other hand, opens itself to lengthier, stream-of-consciousness types of posts.  I tend to skip or skim Facebook posts that are more than 2-3 sentences, yet I would not think twice about reading a multi-paragraph blog post written by any of my friends.

Am I giving up Facebook?  No.

Might I start to blog a bit more often?  Perhaps.

I have a lot floating around in my mind – most of which would never compress into the format and style of a Facebook post.  Unless I decide to post such things here, they will never see the digital light of day.

So, after all of that, I’m left wondering why I am spending any time here at all outside of validating the continued existence of the site.  Nostalgia?  Definite possibility.  Or, since I’ve been a little less sociable in recent months, maybe I’m just happy to dump my thoughts into an appropriate digital medium given the absence of a studio audience.

And, on that bombshell, I am signing off.  Until the next time – possibly years in the future – goodnight.

Douche vs. Douche Bag

Well, I decided I needed to end 2009 with more than one post throughout the year.  So here it is!

I was recently engaged in a conversation with my good friend Molly.  The question on the table was:  Is there a difference between “douche” and ‘douche bag?”  I believe there is:

A “douche” is someone who just did something, well, douche-y.  It’s a short lived, temporary title.  It’s also possible for oneself to be aware that they are, or were, a “douche.”  I would say we have all been a douche at some point.  I certainly have.

Example:  Damn, you just ate my last cookie.  Douche.

Now, on to “douche bag.”  I define a douche bag as someone who regularly performs douche-y actions.  Someone who perhaps intends to be a douche.  It’s a more permanent title, and it’s one I reserve primarily for road rage.

Example: Look at that douche bag.  He’s been hogging the lane so that no one can pass, and now that I’m past him he’s speeding up.  Oh look, he’s texting while he’s driving 75 down the freeway.

I hope that clears the air!

april fools!

holy shit, has it really been that long?  i know i’ve been known to do some crafty april fools stuff in the past.  this year, the joke is that i’m actually updating my site.

hello audience.  i’m matt.  it’s been quite awhile, so most of you may not remember me.  i used to frequent this joint with interesting things to say.  these days – not so much.

i’d like to say i’ve moved on to some terrible social networking site, but not really.  i do spend the odd minute over at the book of faces, but i still don’t "get the point."  i guess in the world of web 2.0 i’m the crusty old guy who yells at the neighbor kids to get off my lawn.

so, what’s been new?  i’m glad you asked.  not a whole lot of anything.  most of you know that i’m now a homeowner.  surprisingly enough, the house is still structurally intact and the lawn is only partially dead.  the to-do list isn’t getting much shorter — it’s due for some HVAC work sometime soon.  the furnace sounds like it’s a member of a bushmen tribe when it starts up.

oh, and check this shit out.  i have my own office at work now.  has a door and everything movin’ on up!  i’ve also been working a bit less, as there are slightly fewer fires to put out during a normal day.  i’m in the process of hiring someone to assist with some of the day to day stuff so that i can free my valuable time up for frequent masturb…  eh, i mean, the various managerial tasks i must complete.

i must admit that i’m actually considering the macbook air.  maybe i’m just too extreme of a fanboy.  i do see a value in an extremely lightweight "have it everywhere" notebook.  all i really do is use a web browser and watch porn.  curious what everyone thinks, although i’m guessing "you’re an idiot" will be the most common response.

this post wouldn’t be complete without something to rant about.  let me pick a topic at random…  girl scout cookies.  do you think they’d be nearly as popular if they sold year around?  is the success because you can only get them at one time?  i wonder if i could stockpile some and then sell them on ebay in like a few months.  not much of a rant, but it’s all i’ve got right now.

idiot drivers who can’t merge

on my way to work every morning, i go over this bridge that requires people to merge from 3 lanes to 2 lanes.  the "lane ends, merge left" signs extend back a mile, and for the most part, *everyone* knows that they need to merge and does so early.

every morning, there’s one or two assholes who decides they will zip all the way up to the merge point and force themselves in.  and some shithead always lets them in.

not me.  i ride the line between the lanes to keep people from passing me.  they can merge and wait an extra 30 seconds just like myself and everyone else did.  if i’m at the merge point i ride the bumper of the person in front of me to make sure assholes can’t get in.  of course, the shithead behind me always lets them in.

i wish people wouldn’t be such dicks.

fake boobs suck

many, many, many….  many…. moons ago, i wrote a dissertation on why i felt that fake boobs sucked.  i used to have lots of time to write things back then.  it seemed funny at the time.  it still is funny, but for a completely different set of reasons.

a friend slash almost ex co worker was wayback-machining a few sites while visiting last night, which ultimately led to the find.

enjoy.

fake boobs suck

i believe that fake boobs suck.  seriously.  they do.  after reading this,
i’m quite certain that you will agree.  at this point i’m sure you’re
wondering "gee matt, why do you think that fake boobs suck?  i mean
really, bigger is better right?"  well, no.  don’t get me wrong here – i
like big boobies.  but i also like a nice natural
texture.  mmmmmm….  texture……..  i’ve never
felt a fake boob (that i know of), but i’ve seen them on horrid bad low
budget porn.  when a chic is laying down, her boobs should flatten out
some.  that’s natural.  i like natural.  but, fake boobs stick out.  they
just stay up and look too rounded.  obviously fake.

that’s why i started this site.  me and a friend were flipping through
some channels on a satellite system when we came across porn.  of course
we had to stop and enjoy the display of pure harcore lesbian action that
was colorfully presented in digital quality.  then i saw the boobs.  they
just seemed so…  unnatural?  yeah, that’s the best word i can think of
to describe the horror.  i pity the woman for investing in such a terrible
thing.  big isn’t good when it’s nasty big.  i rather have some nice
naturally textured yet average sized breastestes than some big but overly
bubblish and round ugly boobs. 

seriously guys.  if you’re a female, and you’re considering placing sacks
of fluid in your small but firm breasts, think twice.  that’s just
nasty.  don’t be fake.  i’m sure you’re hot just the way you are, and most
men still want to have sex with you even if your breasts aren’t as big as
the nasty porn stars with round stanky tits.  don’t get a boob job!  fake
boobs suck!  real boobs are nice!  men will want to lick them and play
with them.  if they’re fake, dudes will most likely be horrified at the
bizarre nature of your breasts.  what if they squeeze to hard and you
leak?  you could probably say it’s lactation, but trust me – that won’t
fly. 

not only do real boobs simply look better, but you should be happy with
your natural self.  even if you have tiny little nubbins for breasts,
there are many guys who find that attractive.  hell, i don’t even
care!  i’m not much of a boob man.  also, it’s been proven that the
smaller the boobs, the nicer the ass.  so chances are you have a fantastic
grabbable ass.

also, they’re dangerous.  having fake boobs is dangerous, and makes you a
stank ho.  so you really want to be a stank ho?  i know i wouldn’t like to
be called a stank ho.  that’s why i don’t have fake boobs.  well, that and
i’m a guy.  but guys could get fake boobs.  watch fight club.  meat loaf
had some big titties.  but that’s just wrong.

points to remember:

  • i don’t like fake boobies
  • i like big boobies
  • fake boobies are bad
  • they’re ugly too
  • when laying down, your boobs should flatten
  • if they don’t, they’re fake
  • if they’re fake, that sucks ass
  • i don’t have fake boobs
  • no boobs means nice ass
  • fake boobs make you a stank ho
  • fake boobs suck

    please note that this is a horrible attempt at being funny while at the
    same time making it clear that i really don’t like fake boobs.

    • diy matt, resurrected poorly

    update on my diy situation below.

    as you’ll read in the comments, i temporarily resurrected diy matt and used a hodge podge setup consisting of freenas, a bootable cd-rom, and a usb flash drive to hold the config. i was able to put together a ~1tb raid5 set and share it with smb.

    then the power died, and i lost everything. i was able to get it all back with lots of screwing around, but it took awhile.

    and now i have a drobo.