If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not sport.
Anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” is never, ever “Yes.”
6. Ditto for “Is she prettier than me?”
7. Victoria’s Secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.
8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
10. “Honey,” “Darling,” and “Sweetheart” are good. “Nag,”
“Lardass,” and “Bitch” are bad.
11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better
in bed.
14. Her cooking is excellent.
15. That isn’t an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
16. Dish soap is your friend.
17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and
warm does not equal clean.
18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
19. Answering “Who was that on the phone?” with “Nobody” is never
going to end that conversation.
20. Ditto for “Whose lipstick is this?”
21. Two words: clean socks.
22. Believe it or not, you’re probably not more attractive when
you’re all sweaty.
23. Burping is not sexy.
24. You’re wrong.
25. You’re sorry.
26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool
car than you think she is.
27. Ditto for your discourse on football.
28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a
single bound.
29. “Will you marry me?” is good. “Let’s shack up together” is
bad.
30. Don’t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
31. Don’t assume PMS doesn’t exist.
32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she
feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change
without notice.
33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
35. Pick her up at the airport. Don’t whine about it, just do it.
36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don’t act
like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
37. Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t.
38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
39. Always, always suck up to her brother.
40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.
41. Remember Valentine’s Day, and any cheesy “anniversary” she so
names.
42. Don’t try to change the way she dresses.
43. Her haircut is never bad.
44. Don’t let your friends pick on her.
45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The
fact that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in
the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn’t fair either, and it balances
everything.
yeah, my ammo box is tiny compared to that one. damn commie bastards stealing my ideas. and here -i- thought i’d be on slashdot with a cool ammo case pc.
ERRR….. WELL, I’VE BEEN PRETTY HEMMED UP WITH FINAL FANTASY X… IT’S CONSUMING A MAJORITY OF MY TIME… BUT ALSO, I’VE BEEN TOO BROKE TO GET A ACCESS POINT TO SHARE THE INTERNET AND THE COMPUTER IS IN MY UNCLES ROOM(WHICH IS LOCKED WHEN HE’S GONE AND OCCUPIED WHEN HE’S HERE). BUT I’M WORKING ON IT!!!
I’m going to pound you so heinously, you will wake up from the Matrix!
Zang! Who is that, rampaging along the freeway! It is Nicky, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! She howls homicidally:
“I’m going to pulverize you so badly, I will be high on life for years to come!”
interesting LOL
“In the name of malice, I slice through beating hearts like a sentient bulldozer!!”
“Ares, God of War, be praised! I carve into flesh until there is no more hope!!”
enjoy: http://www.jolt.co.uk/ects/images/ECTSBABES(10).jpg
Sprinting along the tundra, swinging a studded crowbar, cometh Frostyman! And he gives a vengeful howl:
“I’m going to torment you so hard, you will drink poison and piss honey!!”
Rules Men Wish Women Knew
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not sport.
Anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
Anyone can buy condoms.
Women’s 45 Rules For Men
1. Call.
2. Don’t lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” is never, ever “Yes.”
6. Ditto for “Is she prettier than me?”
7. Victoria’s Secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.
8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
10. “Honey,” “Darling,” and “Sweetheart” are good. “Nag,”
“Lardass,” and “Bitch” are bad.
11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better
in bed.
14. Her cooking is excellent.
15. That isn’t an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
16. Dish soap is your friend.
17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and
warm does not equal clean.
18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
19. Answering “Who was that on the phone?” with “Nobody” is never
going to end that conversation.
20. Ditto for “Whose lipstick is this?”
21. Two words: clean socks.
22. Believe it or not, you’re probably not more attractive when
you’re all sweaty.
23. Burping is not sexy.
24. You’re wrong.
25. You’re sorry.
26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool
car than you think she is.
27. Ditto for your discourse on football.
28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a
single bound.
29. “Will you marry me?” is good. “Let’s shack up together” is
bad.
30. Don’t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
31. Don’t assume PMS doesn’t exist.
32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she
feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change
without notice.
33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
35. Pick her up at the airport. Don’t whine about it, just do it.
36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don’t act
like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
37. Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t.
38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
39. Always, always suck up to her brother.
40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.
41. Remember Valentine’s Day, and any cheesy “anniversary” she so
names.
42. Don’t try to change the way she dresses.
43. Her haircut is never bad.
44. Don’t let your friends pick on her.
45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The
fact that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in
the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn’t fair either, and it balances
everything.
YEAH…. WELL, I APPRECIATE THE LONG, DRAWED OUT COMMENTS… BUT HOW ABOUT SOME NEW POSTS….
http://www.epiacenter.com/modules.php?name=Sections&sop=viewarticle&artid=22
matt someone always has to take your ideas.
nice site, trav 🙂 it’s got me thinking…
THAT FUCKER IS WAY WAY BIGGER THAN THE ONE MATT WANTED TO DESIGN.
yeah, my ammo box is tiny compared to that one. damn commie bastards stealing my ideas. and here -i- thought i’d be on slashdot with a cool ammo case pc.
I SHOULD SUBMIT THE CORONA CLONE PICTURES. BUILT IN ASHTRAYS ARE THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE FOR COMPUTERS.
that was one sweet machine. do you still have pics of that somewhere? and whats with sir.cc
ERRR….. WELL, I’VE BEEN PRETTY HEMMED UP WITH FINAL FANTASY X… IT’S CONSUMING A MAJORITY OF MY TIME… BUT ALSO, I’VE BEEN TOO BROKE TO GET A ACCESS POINT TO SHARE THE INTERNET AND THE COMPUTER IS IN MY UNCLES ROOM(WHICH IS LOCKED WHEN HE’S GONE AND OCCUPIED WHEN HE’S HERE). BUT I’M WORKING ON IT!!!
i use this thing called category 5 cable to connect the computers in my house together. it’s rather inexpensive.
YEAH, YOU ALSO PLUG THE MICROWAVE INTO AN EXTENSION CORD RUNNING INTO YOUR BEDROOM…
extension cord goes to the living room now!
Hark! Who is that, prowling across the steppes! It is Mcnibbless, hands clutching a jeweled meat hammer! And with a mighty grunt, her voice cometh:
“I’m seriously going to exfoliate you to the bone!!”